Reassurances
by Lady Sarai
Summary: Written pre-OotP, so it's no longer very canon... but still a cute piece. Written as an excuse to figure out Lily and Sirius' friendship. No LilySirius-ness implied; strictly friendship. A conversation post discovering the Animagi secret.


Reassurances  
  
By Princess Emma  
  
Started: November 1, 2000  
  
Finished and posted: November 30, 2000  
  
All right- Important notice: I do not own Harry Potter. Never did, never will. This is an attempt of mine to get something posted and it's an idea that came to me while reading Princess Kate's story "Echoes". Everybody should go read her stuff because she's awesome. And they should read Arnica's because I'm her loyal Sock- but not the clothes-type sock, a different type of Sock. A purple one, right my Queen of the Picnic Table, now Room # whatever? :)  
  
Anywho, the only info. you need to get this is that Margaret and Katherine are characters that I created to add something and tried to turn into a story that's not getting very far, but who are fun to pull out and use. Now, Katherine is Lily's bestest friend and Margaret is their other best friend- kinda like Harry and Ron are bestest friends and Hermione's their other best friend, and Sirius is James's bestest friend and Remus and, at this point, Peter are their other best friends (even if Remus is sort of a... uh... bester friend than Peter. Make sense?)- it all begins to blurs together. So anyways, Kath and Mags are in their year, which is year 5 in this fic. Right after WPP have managed to turn themselves into a rat, dog and stag for dear old Moony. And after Lily and co. discovered that fact. I'm trying to think of how to write out that one, but this is the day after. The rest will be made clear, so go read it already!! :)  
  
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"I hate my name," Lily said after several moments of silence. She blew her red bangs off of her forehead and scowled at the papers spread out before her. "It's annoying."  
  
Katherine raised an eyebrow at her. "Oh? How so?"  
  
Sirius leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest with an amused look on his face. "Yes, I think I'd like to hear this."  
  
Lily glared, flipping through the pages of the nearest book. "Writing my name on every sheet of paper that comes my way is becoming tedious. Happy?" She asked, looking up from the homework spread across the table.  
  
Sirius nodded, obviously trying not to laugh. "I suppose. Though you don't have to write your name on so many papers if you don't do them."  
  
Lily's jaw dropped. "Sirius!"  
  
Katherine elbowed him, shaking her head. "Not a smart move," she whispered, going back to the potions paper she was working on.  
  
Sirius did have to admit that it had been a stupid thing to say, but he loved to see Lily get upset enough to forget the task at hand and begin lecturing him. It was always amusing when she got up on her 'soapbox', as James put it, and turned that interesting shade of pink. So while Lily began her latest tyrade- 'If you think that you'll get away with neglecting your classes-"- Sirius kept his gaze focused on the table before him, else he break into hysterical laughter. The table itself was amusing, though, so he wasn't having much luck. It was so laden with text books and scrolls of parchment and quills and ink that it looked almost as if it were ready to collapse. Lily, Katherine and Margaret had spent the afternoon in the library and each came back with an armload of books for a paper due in their History of Magic class. Sirius wasn't too worried about it, though- the paper wasn't due until Monday and it was only Friday.  
  
Sirius was interrupted from his thoughts when a balled-up piece of paper hit the side of his head. He looked up in surprise. "What?"  
  
Lily was glaring lethaly at him. "You didn't hear a word I said, did you?"  
  
"Yes, I did," he protested, giving her a hurt look. "You said I didn't hear a word you said."  
  
Lily rolled her eyes and Katherine coughed to cover a laugh. Just as Lily was about to launch into her "I don't know why I bother, you never listen" speech, the portrait hole opened and Margaret climbed through, carrying more books. She hesitated before dropping them onto the table with the others and all four held their breath as the table began to sag.  
  
"Well," Margaret said, sitting next to Lily after a moment. "I went to ask Professor Binns if he knew what my grade was so far and he gave me those." She sighed, brushing a strand of dark brown hair behind her ear. "Not quite what I asked for, but..." She shrugged and looked around with a frown. "Where are the others?"  
  
"Quidditch practice," Lily answered, biting her lip as she scanned a page in her Transfiguration book. "And detention."  
  
"Again?" Margaret asked with a sigh. "What happened?"  
  
"Yeah, Sirius. How is it that you and James managed to avoid detenion but Peter and Remus didn't?" Katherine asked, eyeing him slyly.  
  
"Easy," he replied, opening his astronomy book. "James and I were serving a detention with McGonagall for turning Jenny's book into a bat when Remus and Peter got caught sneaking out to visit us."  
  
Lily rolled her eyes. "You're all impossible."  
  
"Even me?" Katherine asked, eyes widened in mock pain.  
  
"Especially you," Lily answered with a smirk. "Now please stop it. I have to finish this or-"  
  
"You'll turn into a pumpkin," Sirius piped up before being hit simultaneously by three balled-up pieces of parchment.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The silence didn't last long, but the four friends managed to keep working with few interuptions (if you didn't count the elbow-ribbing contests Katherine and Sirius had that lasted until Katherine accidently elbowed Sirius off of his chair) for over an hour. By then it was dark and the fire was blazing in the fireplace, but the noise of the shrill wind outside was not so easily covered.  
  
Suddenly, after at least fifteen minutes of absolute silence, Katherine stood up abruptly, slamming her Divination book shut. "I'm sick of this. I'm tired, cold and fed up with tea leaves. I'm going to bed," she announced, gathering up her things. "Night Lil. Night Sirius."  
  
Margaret yawned, streching slightly. "I think I'll come up too. We have potions first thing tomorrow with the Slytherins." She shot Sirius a look. "I think we should *all* get a good night's sleep, so we don't get into any cauldron-shoving episodes. Again."  
  
Sirius smiled benignly at her. "I'll tell Remus you said 'Good night'."  
  
Margaret blushed and shoved her books into her bag, following Katherine up the stairs. "Night Lily."  
  
"Night," she muttered, still poring over her book. After a while she glanced up. "Aren't you going to bed?"  
  
Sirius shook his head. "No. I have to do my potions work, and Maggie's unfortunately right- I can't afford to lose many more house points or I'll be mobbed."  
  
Lily hid a smirk. "Need any help?"  
  
He shot her a pained look. "Lily, I am a relatively smart person- I just don't feel the need to spend half my life poring over books. No offense or anything," he added quickly, flashing her an apologetic grin.  
  
She rolled her eyes. "Get to work."  
  
He saluted her smartly, following her advise and not noticing when, after a while, Lily began biting her lip again and eyeing him.  
  
Lily read the paragraph in her Defense Against the Dark Arts book once more, frowning angrily. The bloody book was wrong. She thought of the night before, when she, Katherine and Margaret had discovered the boys' secret. Remus was a werewolf, but that wasn't any new revelation. He just hadn't come out and told her before last night. What was new was that the others had become animagi. Lily couldn't honestly remember everything she had said, but she did remember winding up yelling and crying because she was so angry and hurt that they hadn't trusted her. But who knew what they'd been thinking. It occured to her that she could ask Sirius now, but she had another issue on her mind.   
  
Remus was a werewolf- which didn't make much sense at first, but when she thought about it, he did always have some reason to be mysteriously gone every month. But he was so... Not what one thought of when one imagined a werewolf. And this book was obviously written by someone who went by sterotypes, because if Remus was a werewolf, then something was not adding up. Lily had figured out his secret a few years earlier, but she had never actually been told straight out that that was the case. It was easier for her to go on excusing him than actually thinking about what he had to go through each month. Not to mention things like her textbook and today's DADA lesson being thrown at him. And she couldn't shake the tight, painfully anxious feeling that had been seizing her stomach and chest for the past few weeks whenever she thought of James. She hadn't known what it was at first, but a silly schoolgirl crush had never hurt her before- not that what she felt for James felt like a silly schoolgirl crush.  
  
She hadn't realized for a while that it was really just nerves. But why was she nervous? Last night she had almost been ill when she started thinking about how much trouble all four of them could have gotten into, how any of them might have been hurt, or how dangerous it was to attempt becoming an animagus without help. She hadn't quite realized how close she'd gotten to all of them until last night. And now she watched Sirius doing his potions calculations and wondered if and what she should say to him. If she was going to talk to anyone about this strange feeling and the strange dreams she'd been having lately, it would logically have been Katherine or James, not Sirius who was always teasing her and egging her on.   
  
She sighed heavily, looking back at her book.  
  
"Lil?" Sirius asked suddenly, frowning at her. "You all right? You look ill or something."  
  
Lily gawked at him, biting her lip as she nodded. After a moment's hesitation, she said quietly, "Just tired, Sirius. It's nothing."  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes and put down his quill. He reached across the table and grabbed Lily's chin, forcing her to look at him. "Okay Tiger Lily. Spit it out. What's wrong?"  
  
Lily laughed slightly, inwardly cursing herself as she felt her eyes begin to tear. "Nothing. Really, Sirius."  
  
He raised an eyebrow incredulously. "Right. And I'm the Minister of Magic. Come on, Lil."  
  
She shook her head. "It's nothing. I'm tired and I don't want to do anymore homework."  
  
Sirius craned his neck to see what she was reading about and sighed. "I see," he said, noticing the heading for the werewolf section. "Lily, come on."  
  
She looked up in surprise when he grabbed her wrist and pulled her out of her chair and dragged her towards the fireplace, sitting her on the couch. He knelt in front of her, putting his hands on her knees. "Lily, I want you to tell me exactly what you're thinking so we can deal with it *before* Remus and the others get back."  
  
Lily's jaw dropped and she felt her chest close up and that tight feeling began to overwhelm her. She took a deep breath and before she knew it she was crying and saying, "Sirius, I'd never- I don't- It's not-"  
  
"Whoa, whoa!" Sirius cried, shaking Lily lightly by the shoulders. "Calm down, Tiger. I'm sorry, I didn't mean for that to come out the way it did. Just breathe, okay? Please?"  
  
Lily had to laugh when she saw the strained, anxious look on Sirius's face; it was so out of place. She took a few deep breaths and wiped her face. "I don't have a clue where that came from," she muttered, knowing that she was blushing now. Sometimes she hated being a girl- it was so much harder to hide her emotions and it was much harder now than it had ever been before.  
  
"It's okay," Sirius said with a relieved look on his face. "Lily, what's wrong?"  
  
"I... I don't know," she muttered. She looked at her hands, clasped in her lap. "It's not anything, really. I *am* tired."  
  
Sirius sat back on his heels, giving her a disbelieving look. "Lily," he said in a warning voice.  
  
She sighed, hesitating before deciding to tell him. It was probably better talking to Sirius than to no one and, after all, Sirius was awfully protective of them all. "I... I feel strange."  
  
Sirius's eyebrows raised and he swallowed. "What do you mean?"  
  
"I mean," she began, wondering how to explain it, "like there's a knot in my stomach and someone keeps pulling it tighter and tighter and something is squeezing my chest so I can't breathe. And I get so scared sometimes, but I don't know why. And it usually happens when I think about you guys. Especially..."  
  
"James," Sirius said when Lily trailed off.   
  
Lily felt herself begin to blush and covered it up by glaring furiously and hiding her face in her hands before sighing. "Yeah, I guess. Maybe... Sirius, I'm confused," she said, looking back up at him. "Why didn't you tell us? Tell me? I mean, you didn't *really* think I'd... What *did* you think?"  
  
Sirius sighed and sat next to Lily on the couch. "I didn't, Lil. And neither did anybody else... But Remus made us promise not to tell anyone. And I mean anyone. You should have seen the fit he threw when *we* found out. Remus actually has a really bad inferiority complex."  
  
Lily rolled her eyes. "You don't have to tell me. That's pretty obvious."  
  
Sirius shrugged. "I'm just sort of surprised you didn't figure it all out sooner." He nudged her with his elbow, smirking. "I mean, you are supposed to be the smart one, right?"  
  
Lily elbowed him back and sighed. "Well, I did. About Remus, I mean. Not about..." she trailed off and gestured meaninglessly. "You all could have been hurt really badly." She turned to face Sirius. "Why didn't you get some help, or tell somebody? You could have been killed, Sirius," she snapped, feeling her throat close up again.  
  
Sirius frowned at her, biting his lip. If Lily hadn't been so focused on not crying again, she would have laughed at the unusually intent look on his face. "Well, we did it for Remus, you know. And I know you could have helped, but he made us promise." Sirius shrugged. "I guess we didn't think. But really, Lily. Do you honestly think anything bad could have happened to us? Come on! We're the Marauders!" he said in an overly cheerful voice.  
  
She punched his arm lightly. "Be serious."  
  
He raised an eyebrow. "And who exactly do you think I've been?"  
  
Lily glared and he held his hands up in mock-defeat. "Lily, we were fine. We'll be fine. James and I are big enough to handle just about anything that can get thrown at us and Peter's small enough to slip away and get help or whatever. Don't worry so much; you'll develop a complex."  
  
Lily shook her head. "I'm sorry, Sirius. I'm edgy, I suppose."  
  
Sirius sighed and put an arm over her shoulders, leaning back against the couch. "All right, I'll take the bait. What is it?"  
  
Lily tried to pull away, but found that Sirius had a remarkably string grip. She glared briefly before sighing and deciding that she may as well tell him everything. "I've been having a lot of nightmares recently. Well, one recurring one, actually. But I can't remember it when I wake up. I don't remember it until right before I'm ready to fall asleep and if it suddenly comes back to me, I know I'll have it again. It used to happen when I was little. Well, then it was a dream about fire and a clown, but this one's different."  
  
"What's it about?"  
  
Lily rolled her eyes. "I just said that I can't remember it; I just have a vaque impression of what it was. I remember a lot of green light and screaming and..." she trailed off, shuddering. "I just get this terrible feeling that something bad is happening to someone."  
  
"Ahhh," Sirius said, nodding his head in mock-understanding. "Maybe a certain someone?"  
  
"Sirius, stop it!" Lily snapped. "We're friends. Leave it be."  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes. "You're friends like Remus and Maggie are friends."  
  
Lily smacked his chest with her free hand, the other pinned against him. "Or like you and Kath? Sirius, cut it out."  
  
Sirius laughed, shaking his head. "Boy, no joking around here, huh?" He smiled at her, returning to their original conversation. "Lily, it's just a dream. Nothing's happening to anyone. James is not going to be attacked by a green lamp."  
  
Lily shook her head. "Sirius, it feels real."  
  
"Don't all dreams feel real? That clown one didn't come true, did it?"  
  
Lily shuddered slightly. "Sirius, don't go there."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because when I was nine we went to the circus and a clown was smoking behind the tent and started a fire."  
  
Sirius gaped at her. "You're not serious."  
  
Lily smirked. "No, you are."  
  
Sirius glared and stuck his tongue out at her. Then he sighed and pulled Lily to him so that her head was lying on his shoulder. "Look, Tiger Lily. If it makes you feel better, I promise that I will always do everything I can to protect James. And you, and Remus and Maggie and even Katherine,no matter how much of a prat she can be." Lily laughed slightly and Sirius smiled. "Come on, Tiger. We're a family, you know. Nothing's gonna happen."  
  
"Unless the four of you decide to go on an adventure and get yourselves killed."  
  
Sirius laughed. "Now I can honestly say we've never decided that before." He ruffled her hair. "I won't let anything happen to any of us, Lily. I promise."  
  
Lily sighed. "You can't make that kind of promise, Sirius. But thanks anyway."  
  
Sirius grinned and kissed her forehead. "There. All better?"  
  
Lily laughed. "Why is it you always treat me like a little sister?"  
  
"Maybe if you stopeed treating me like a big brother, I'd stop, Tiger Lily."  
  
Lily rolled her eyes. "As long as you continue to call me by my dad's nickname for me, you will always be my big brother, Sirius."  
  
"Oh yeah? Well, I came up with it first. Yes," he interrupted her protest, "even though your dad's been calling you that since you were born. I still came up with it first."  
  
Just then the portrait hole opened and James climbed through, looking wet and muddy after his Qudditch practice. He raised an eyebrow at the sight of the two on the couch and said teasingly, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you two were talking about me behind my back. Or planning something very un-Lily and very Sirius."  
  
"What? Us talk about the famously marvelous James Potter behind his back? Make fun of him relentlessly when he's not around? How dare you accuse us of such treachery, sir!" Sirius cried indignantly. "I am insulted."  
  
James rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sure. Whatever, Sirius. Go to bed," he said, crossing the Common Room and heading up the staircase. "Night Lily."  
  
"Night," she called, standing and helping Sirius up. "Thanks, Sirius," she said guietly.  
  
Sirius shrugged and put an arm over her shoulders, walking her to the stairs that led to her room. "No problem, kid. Don't worry so much, all right? We'll be fine. I promise. Have a little faith, Tiger."   
  
Lily smiled and gave him a quick hug. "Thanks anyway. Night, Sirius." As she walked up the stairs, Lily found that she did feel better. Whatever happened, it wasn't going to happen tonight, and she believed Sirius when he said that he would do anything to keep them all safe. And he was right- all she could do was have some faith in something. Maybe it would all work out, somehow. Then again, maybe it was just a silly dream. Even if she did have a nagging feeling about it...  
  
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All right, so I forgot this was here. It's what happens when I type something and don't have it written in a notebook. Of course, I forget some of those, too. In any case, it's not quite what I planned, but I still think I like it. Please review it and make me happy. And hello to Arnica and Zoe and Aradia, 'cause Arnica and I finally sucked them into our HP vortex!! :) Love you guys! (And there's no spell check on a .txt document, so forgive me. There's also no italics or underlining or anything. How annoying... 


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